My Story

From as far back as I can remember, I have always had body image issues. I think this stemmed from a few different things, mostly my participation in the competitive dance world.

At 13 years old, I was already restricting, hiding or throwing away my food so I didn’t have to eat it, exercising more than a regular person should and, on top of it all, dancing 30 hours per week.

By the time I was 15, I was losing hair, I had big black bags under my eyes, I had dropped at least half my body size and I was having irregular periods.

This is only one side to the eating disorders I have experienced.

Before I quit the competitive dance world, I hadn’t really eaten anything other than “rabbit food” – no junk food, soda or anything. But once I found myself in easier surroundings where I could enjoy myself and actually experience life, I sort of went crazy. Something in me snapped and I just couldn’t get enough of FOOD! Glorious food.

I was also depressed for much of my high school and university years, so I ate the depression away, until I reached 220 lbs.

I would do really nasty stuff, like eat in my bed, order takeout three times a day and eat all of it in one shot, hide food from roomies and parents (even though I was old enough to KNOW not to do this sort of stuff). I also didn’t reach out to many people during this time. I HATED going out with friends or doing anything in public. The thought of it made me sick.

I would stay in my room and not go out for days. I would lay in bed and shove food in my mouth, have it slop down me onto my bed and not even care. I know that is graphic, but it has to be said. I was depressed and did not recognize any of this at the time.

In May 2008, I decided that I needed a change from the unhealthy university student life I was leading, so I packed up my bags and moved home! I was depressed and recognized that I needed more help than what I could provide myself with.  I joined a gym and dedicated myself to eating clean.

Since then, I have lost almost 40 pounds and am continuing this weight loss journey! I know I have a long way to go, but am so proud of my progress thus far. I needed my family, the support of gym team members, professionals and friends to get me through this battle.

I’m not saying I never binge or have slip-ups anymore. Nope. I do all the time actually. I’ve had several bad binges, slip-ups, made mistakes with my eating. Some days I binge and other days I don’t eat enough. I still have my moments, but I am working hard to get my eating and weight in order, slowly, one day at a time. It’s not just the physical I have to change, but also the spiritual and mental.

Like all other eating disorders, binge eating disorder is crippling and I advise anyone who is going through something like this, or who suspects someone they know is going through it, to talk to them about it, talk to SOMEONE about it!